It's Always Him from the Start; for Tao

I fell in love to Huang Zitao since I saw him on the first EXO showcase. Since watching it, my heart to the twelve alien wolves grows fonder, day by day. Okay, I was not like watching it exactly before their debut on 2012, I watched it on 18th of May 2013. Not long after I know K-pop though. When I watched the Showcase with my boarding house friends, as usual, we chose our bias from the SM boy-group that we just knew. “Okay, this one looks like a vampire. Really, he is a vampire. Uhmm a cute vampire though. I think I choose this one. I think I like this cute vampire.” I said to my friends, who seem to be shocked by it. Yes, Huang Zitao is my first crush on EXO.

The day after it, I tried to look for the music video of EXO, then I found ‘Mama’,’ History’, and ‘What is love’ (each of them in two versions; Korean and Chinese). When I watched those music videos, I was like “Okay, I also in love with Kai and Luhan.” Just like that, and after it I could not really choose my ultimate bias. I could not deny Kai’s and Luhan’s charm. I felt that I love all the three of them equally.

For several months, I still thought that the three of them are my ultimate biases. Even though my eyes always lay on Tao than the others, I thought that I have to share the equal love to my biases. Back then, when any person asked who is my ultimate bias from EXO, I always answer; Luhan, Tao, and Kai. If someone forced me to choose one, I’ll choose Luhan with a half of my heart. Yes, I thought that it was the right choice, Luhan is an angel, Luhan is perfection, and I didn’t want this perfection to be stolen by anybody. Yes, you right. I betrayed Huang Zitao. I placed him on the second row, even though I didn’t want it. Really, I didn’t ever want to do it.

Then, came a time when I really really have to choose. Choose the right one, choose my ultimate bias’ name to be printed on my wolf 88 t-shirt (about October or November 2013). It was sooooo hard! I tried to recall memories. When the three of them were standing together, I always lay my eyes on Tao. But, Kai and Luhan are the visuals, they looks really really  handsome. Really!! Hard huh? Then, a friend of mine made me realize. She said, “It looks like that you love the panda more. It can be seen clearly.” Am I?? Do I love him that much? Is it written on my face? However, hearing such words made me relief. I don’t really know why. Maybe, all that long I just need someone to ensure me about my feeling. It is because I wasn’t sure about it. I don’t know why shouldn’t I sure about it back then? It is that simple right? Choose one ultimate bias among the twelve. The one I love the most. I have found it, but I denied it. It was because of the two other biases that came after it, and I thought that I wouldn’t will them to be chosen by others (my own friends). But, it was always okay seeing my friends idolize Kai and Luhan. However, when one of my friends watched EXO, pointed to Tao and asked me, “Who is he? He is so handsome. I think I like him.” NO. YOU DON’T. I smiled and said, “Yes. I guess I want Tao’s name to be printed on my t-shirt.”

 

Since then, I could admit it freely. I love the baby kungfu panda soooooo bad. It was always him. From the start, it was always him. Really, it was always him. I just always deny it. I denied, because of the two visuals’ charm that kill me. But, it’s not about who looks more handsome than who. It’s about the one I fell to. The one I’d like to see. The one I’d like to feel the presence. This is about the ultimate bias. Sometimes we just don’t need reason to idolize someone.

One day in early April 2014, it’s almost a year for me as a fandom. I watched the video of the first EXO showcase one more time. The showcase that brought me to this insanity towards the twelve wolves. Then, I saw him. I saw the baby panda like the first time I saw him, when I got crush on him. I could feel myself smile. The scan of my eyes told my brain that he is the perfection. Yes, I like your face. I like your smile. I like your smirk. I like seeing you. I like to feel your presence. I love you. It’s always you from the beginning. It’s always you, Huang Zitao. Sorry for ever denying it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my Baby~ Please stay healthy. Take a good care of your younger brother Sehunnah, okay? I love you both ;) Like so much!!

Sincerely,

mylo_6894

 pict spam ^_^ plus Tao with everyoneee.. kkk~

cr of all picts are by the owners